Before getting pregnant, my experiences of birth were limited to a terrifying-as-hell video in Year 11 Human Biology – I did go to a Catholic boarding school after all, where I can only assume they were trying to frighten us out of ever having sex – and equally horrific scenes from movies like Knocked Up that showed women screaming, grunting, swearing and generally wishing they were having an arm cut off instead.
This Hollywood view may make for great viewing, but it’s incredibly daunting for any woman when you *actually* consider that a newborn baby is the size of a watermelon and where it comes from… well… is not.
I’ve been into alternative health and wellness for the past few years, so my ‘hippie-dippie’ practices like meditation, drinking bone broth, using essential oils and earthing are second nature. So when I found out I was out pregnant, I started exploring how I could make the birth experience as natural and positive as I could, and even look forward to it rather than dread it.
Part of this meant choosing an unmedicated birth – i.e. one without an epidural – but also educating myself on my options, creating a positive mindset, practicing deep breathing and meditation, learning about helpful massage techniques and birthing postures, and being physically fit. Preparing for an unmedicated birth starts long before you’re actually in the delivery room!
Here are the 5 specific ways I’m preparing for an unmedicated birth, and how you can do the same.
1. Take hypnobirthing classes.
Hypnobirthing sounds a bit woo-woo, but essentially it’s just reprogramming yourself to not be scared of birth and to see it as an empowering, connected experience that our bodies were designed to do.
There are books on the subject but I think classes are better as they’re guided, you can ask questions, you often get resources (like CDs, meditation scripts and affirmation cards), and you get to meet other like-minded people. Classes are normally a few hours a week for a month or a 1-day intensive workshop, and are suggested from 24 weeks onwards. I started classes a forntight ago at a holistic community centre near my house, which are 3 hours each Saturday mornings for 4 weeks.
Hypnobirthing teaches you:
- How to relax yourself on cue with different breathing, meditation, visualisation and massage techniques
- Postures and positions that help your body open and relax instead of tense during the birth
- How to think of the birth in a positive way instead of an “oh shit, how am I ever supposed to do this” way
- Different words and phrases that ake you feel calmer (e.g. ‘surge’ instead of ‘contraction’ – I’m a big believer in the power of language so I love this part of it)
- Different birth options and choices – e.g. location (home birth, birth centre or hospital); support (midwives, doulas); if you do need intervention or a caesarean, how to still make it a positive experience; and much more.
What hypnobirthing doesn’t teach you is that epidurals are bad, western medicine doesn’t have a place or that hospitals are evil. Not at all.
It just provides you the tools, resources and knowledge of what your choices are. For example, in my class we’re encouraged to come up with two lists – firstly what our ‘dream’ birth would look like; and secondly if something does go wrong, a list of what interventions we’re comfortable with (e.g. epidural, forceps, induction, episiotomy). And if we do need a caesarean, we’re given information around our options – like we can ask the doctors to dim the lights (whichever ones aren’t needed for the surgery), to play music of our choice, to have the screen up or down so we can see the baby coming out, and so on.
Nothing is preachy or negative. It’s just educational and incredibly inspiring.
If I could recommend one thing for every expectant mother to do, it would be this!
2. Read positive birth books.
These are my favourites so far:
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. The first half of this book is positive birth stories based on the author’s experience setting up a remote community in Tennessee in the 1970s, where women still travel now to give birth naturally with a team of experienced midwives. The second half is a guide to labour, how to create a safe and comfortable birth environment, and tips for having the most loving, gentle experience possible. I started reading this weeks ago and it was also recommended during my hypnobirthing classes.
Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali. Even if you belong to another (or no) religion or have no experience with Buddhism, this is a great book about how to manage anxiety, increase calmness and feel a greater connection to yourself and your children (or growing baby). Although this is my first pregnancy and I don’t already have kids, much of the content is applicable to pregnancy and general life, not just motherhood, so I’ve already got tons of useful info from it. It’s useful, practical and non-judgemental.
3. Say positive affirmations.
If I didn’t lose you with the hypnobirthing suggestion, stay with me on this one. The thought of saying affirmations can seem ridiculous, but I promise it’s not. There’s plenty of science behind why repeating a positive phrase over and over is beneficial – it’s enjoyable to focus on what we value, it can help regulate our emotions, and it can help us distance ourselves from the things we’re worried about.
Saying positive affirmations isn’t about blindly chanting irrelevant, sappy sentences like “I am love” (while crying in the mirror with a packet of chocolate biscuits because you don’t believe what you’re saying). It’s about coming up with statements that resonate with you personally, that you enjoy saying (that don’t make you feel ridiculous), and that you genuinely believe. They’re a technique to use knowing that everyone gets scared and anxious and worried at times – but saying them is a reminder that we don’t have to listen to those fears, and can choose a more positive mindset instead.
I got a pack of affirmation cards from my hypnobirthing class, but admittedly most of them were a little out there even for me. (Also my husband Ben let slip that last week he took my pack of cards and was delighting in reading them out to his family while crying with laughter. I definitely had a giggle at this. I understand they’re not for everyone!)
So I chose to write my own and keep them stored in my phone, then whenever I feel an anxious thought about birth pop up (which is very normal!), I stop what I’m doing, close my eyes, start breathing deeply and repeat them 10-20 times until I feel better. For example:
- My body has been perfectly designed over thousands of years for this experience. It knows exactly what to do.
- Any pressure or intensity (note: I consciously use these words instead of ‘pain’) is temporary and manageable.
- I’m capable of incredible, extraordinary things.
4. Seek out stories of women who’ve had positive, unmedicated births previously.
I’ve personally chosen not to read birth ‘horror stories’, and when people want to tell me about their bad experiences, I gently ask them not to. Instead, I seek out benefits and positive stories and keep them in a Word document on my computer that I read every now and then. A few examples I’ve kept from the pregnancy forums I’m part of:
An unmedicated birth helps you feel more in control, empowered and connected:
- “I loved the rush and feel of a natural labour. There’s something wonderful and empowering about giving birth, and going all natural gives more control over labour.”
- “I feel over time that we’ve become disconnected from our most natural biological processes, including birth, and I wanted to fully experience it if I could. That included the pain and the ‘rush’ of birth.”
- “I wanted to be fully present. I’m wasn’t afraid of pain, but I was afraid of being out of control of my body.”
- “I felt in control because I could actually feel my body.”
It helps you recover faster:
- “Not having an epidural helped my labour progress much faster, as in under 2 hours.”
- “Recovery was much better for me after the natural birth. I went home at 11pm, the same evening as having baby, and was out doing stuff like normal the next day. The epidural birth, I stayed in hospital and was sore for a lot longer afterwards.
You avoid potential side effects, numbness and needles:
- “I’ve had two epidurals and I will definitely going without one. Last time they hit a nerve in my back and it still bothers me now. They also removed my catheter too soon and almost ruptured my bladder.”
- “I had friends who had side effects from their epidurals such as back pain, lingering numbness, and even long-term spinal issues.”
- “The epidural made me itch and shake for hours afterwards.”
- “The thought of an epidural makes me feel antsy. I don’t like being able to move or feel parts of my body.”
- “I had a massive fear of having a needle in my back. I don’t do well with any kind of needles.”
It means you can stay active instead of lying down:
- “I wanted the freedom to labour how I want to, without being confined to a bed.”
- “I loved walking around, change positions and using equipment like a birthing ball and going in the shower.”
I genuinely understand that people wanting to share their bad experiences is not them trying to scare you. I believe their subconscious thought process is “I had a bad experience and if I can my story share with you, perhaps you’ll be better prepared and will suffer less than I will.” Which actually comes from a good place! So I just remember any negative stories are them wanting to project their experience, and I can consciously choose to have a different story.
5. Believe in your body.
If there’s just one key takeaway, this is it! Women’s bodies were designed to grow a baby for nine months and bring them into the world. Here are just a few physical reasons why:
- The bones and muscles of the pelvis provide support for the growing uterus and baby
- The pelvis is wide enough to accommodate a baby’s head during delivery
- The joint between the two pubic bones at the front of the pelvis softens during pregnancy and can stretch during labour
- We have a natural, in-built pain-relief system via the release of hormones like endorphins, adrenaline and oxytocin
- The baby has a soft spot on its head that moulds to fit out of the birth canal.
It’s not luck of the draw that we needed to propagate the species and women just happened to have this task relegated to them instead of men. The female body is designed to have babies!
Very Important Bit: Please note I’m not saying that women who don’t want to have kids, can’t fall pregnant or have trouble doing so, or have complications during birth are for any reason not doing what they were ‘designed’ to. While I believe we biologically evolved to go through this process, our ability to start or complete this process is not a measure of our womanhood, femininity, human-ness, worth or value.
It also doesn’t mean birth is easy. None of what I’ve written above negates the fact having a baby is one of the hardest things in the world. It’s not about kidding yourself that it’s going to be a walk in the park or thinking “I’ve learned all the breathing techniques and have read all these books so it’s going to be fine!” That’s just delusion. Life is messy and complications happen. But they’re the exception, not the rule.
It’s about setting yourself up in the best way possible. If you want children and therefore have to give birth, why not have the best attitude you can? Why not choose to feel excited? Why not focus on the good instead of the bad? Why not understand it’s going to be a challenge, but one that’s ultimately one of the most rewarding experiences possible? That’s where I’m coming from and I truly believe it’s only going to benefit me.
Are you pregnant and intending to have an unmedicated birth, or have you been through that experience previously? If so please share what you’re doing or have done to prepare for it!